Maybe it's not the job

Intro

Am I in the wrong for thinking this way? Is this decision going to hurt my career? Do I even know what I’m doing? These are some of the questions running through my mind.

In March of 2023, I was let go from my job. The reason? I was being asked to relocate to New Jersey. I asked for one to two more months of working remotely so I could save more money for the move, since it was coming out of pocket. They didn’t agree, so I was let go.

I was jobless again. I polished my resume and started applying for jobs right away. I believe I applied to 200+ roles. Eventually, I landed a job at JPMorgan & Chase. I was pretty happy about it. They offered me more money than I had ever made in my life before, paid for my relocation to Texas (which I was more than happy to accept), and I had some friends working at JPMC in Texas, which made me feel good about the company and the move.

The first few months (and how a coworker made me leave the team)

The first few months were amazing! I was pretty new to the cloud and completely new to AWS. I had a few weeks to learn the basics and quickly started working with Lambdas, Step Functions, SNS, SQS, and other AWS services. I was given opportunities to lead small-ish projects, design cloud-based architectures, and work on microservices. My manager was hands-on and supportive, which helped a lot.

We were building a brand-new project, moving steadily, and on track with deliverables. Then everything changed when a new coworker joined. I had been at JPMC for about five or six months at that point. At first, things were good. He was more experienced than most of us (except our manager), and it showed. He was sharp, confident, and had strong opinions and ideas.

However, after the honeymoon phase, he started showing his true colors. He would get visibly upset when others disagreed with him, and he was passive-aggressive. I still remember the day he said, “I understand it’s too hard for you guys” in our team chat when we were discussing a topic. What made it feel even worse was that my manager said nothing.

Initially, I didn’t know what to even say. Before tech, I worked in warehousing and other jobs where interactions like that were easy to brush off or ignore. However, I didn’t want to work with someone like that, and the more time passed, the more uncomfortable I felt and the less I wanted to collaborate with him.

For better or worse, I managed to minimize interactions with him for the next few months. Around the same time, our work slowed down. A major project was called off, and suddenly there was no clear direction. The uncertainty made everything feel worse.

Switching teams and learning more about myself

I started exploring external roles and made it to the final round at one company, but it didn’t turn into an offer. I felt like I wasn’t trying as hard as I could have, and the job market was odd at the time. Instead of trying harder externally, I decided to look internally. The company itself was okay, and I thought I could maybe find a better team.

I found one!

The team I’ve been with for the past four to five months has been amazing. I get along well with all my coworkers, and we have so much work, which is what I wanted. We’re about to go to production with the project I’ve been working on since I joined. It’s been amazing to sort of guide them and help as much as possible, especially since I already know how to navigate JPMC’s processes while most of my teammates are new to the company.

Over the past few months, I’ve learned a lot about myself:

I do my best work when I am around people who respect each other and treat work like work.
I thrive under tight deadlines and fast-moving environments.
I perform well under uncertainty, especially when the team leans on each other.
I am capable of leading projects when I understand the processes.
I think I’m pretty good at unblocking people. I wasn’t aware of this, but I’m often able to quickly identify gaps by digging into what my coworkers have tried and helping them move forward.
I also don’t like being disrespected or working in environments with no growth opportunities.

And yet

Even though the past few months with my new team have been great, I don’t feel passionate about the product. I went from a hybrid schedule (which I loved) to full-time in-office (which I hate). My tech team is perfect, but our product team is a bit difficult to work with.

With it being a new year and the tech market looking somewhat better, I’ve been thinking about quitting and job hunting full-time… again!

It’s not just about finding another job. I’d also love the opportunity to move to a different state, or land a remote role and travel for a bit. I want more freedom to attend events (tech and non-tech), and to actually live a little. I’ve been grinding nonstop for the past three years and haven’t taken the time to enjoy myself. I also do not like the weather in Texas. All of this makes me feel like it is the right moment to go for a change.

The pros:

I believe my experience and skills could help me land somewhere I’d enjoy more.
With the current state of AI, you can learn and build so much faster than ever before. I could use this time to catch up on things I want to build and learn.
My family recently moved closer, and I’d finally be able to spend more time with them after years apart.
I want to believe my income could increase if I land the right opportunity or pick up a few gigs and catch a break.
If I leave on good terms, I could potentially return in the future, but I would need to be careful about how I communicate this.

The cons :

No income for an uncertain amount of time would definitely cause stress.
I believe taking a “career break” has a negative perception in tech.
Uncertainty about the future. No one can be sure of anything.

If I’m being honest, I don’t even know if I’m making the right decision… Is it even the job? Or is it something else entirely?